~Colorful piece or Grey piece? You choose..~

Life has never let prediction goes easy it seems. But if it is ever easy, then what are the meaning there? Human has never be satisfied for what they have or had once. The "sea of questions" is a place where we would never leave. Floating along are questions, dilemmas, uncertainties, fears, hurting hearts and directionless feelings. But my one, where are you now? Are you still floating in the world of your previous obsession? I feel your suffers deeply. I don't know how to help you get out of your darkness but there's always light beyond the darkness you see every night when you're lying on your bed. Look upon the sky and you shall see there's a brighter star shining just for you. Without failing, it will shine in your heart through the night as you sleep.

Walking in a long tunnel alone is never easy. But with faith held strongly in your hand, there's someone waiting for you right at the end of your dark tunnel. All you need to do is just walk at a faster pace out of this miserable fantasy. If you know there's daylight at the end of the tunnel to light your way, is it worth to do U-turning to get back to the head of tunnel? If u-turning is all about what you thinking, you're tied up in your fairy tales once again with the stories once written by you. You're no longer yourself by that time coz you will only play the role of the character you've once created before entering into this tunnel. Where are you going now?

Each and everyone of us deserve a better loving and cares from our loved ones, families, friends etc. Have faith that you have the power to paint a colorful world. Afterall, life is all about a white piece of cloth where you will need to put in the color to beautify it. Whether it's black grey or shining cheerful colors, it's up to you. Every heartbreaking or joyful experience is represented by one color. What are the colors on your piece of art? Grey and black will never be on my piece. Not because I've never encountered sorrows, but there are great and priceless lessons behind them if you look beyond instead of trapping yourself in the darkness and let it consume you completely. Hard lessons or ABC are just lessons to be learnt in life. Together we will see beautiful life together and joys are what we are seeking, NOT broken hearts.

~It takes time to Fly~

Flying on a peaceful night with half broken wing, I'm glad I'm able to lift my body now without the burden on me. Fly..fly....and to the west I go. Seeking for the sun again to light up my life. Sadly, I wasn't able to fly too far in such a short time with broken wings. Looks like it's not easy to find someone who is willing to come in as my company now. But nothing can be said coz I'm willing to learn the lesson and self healing is the only thing I can give to myself for the time being. The lessons learnt was a pain in my ass and I'm afraid to stuck into the same scenarios again. What if history repeats? Will my half broken wing gone along with the sorrows? It's foolish of me to wait for the sun to rise from the west. But why am I still heading there? I should just turn back but my heart is trying hard to convince myself to continue. Now you tell me, Mr sun. What are the surprises that you would bring to me? You should be kept distance away, yet you are just so close to me now. I'm afraid I would burnt myself if I get too near. But yet I am flying to get those answers to my curiosity. Your say, where will this lead me to?

"Wake up wake up!" Ooops I was once again drifted away to my fantasy. Now back to my consciousness and it's reality here!

~A short thoughts in reality~

Just lately I've come to noticed that words really can kill, and yes it is melting her heart slowly. You're good at it I have to admit but there's just something that have been missed out. You should know. The journey takes time and the one involved will need to bear the consequences for the decisions made. To wait? To turn back? To risk? Or to give up? It's all up to you now.....

~What will I do~

Earphone stucked in my ears with a sentimental song playing and as if the song is from my head itself. Without realising, all the words are singing my heart out.

".......I'm not really sure of the words to say
If only you knew that I feel this way
I wanna give my heart to you
Show me the way that you want me to

I know for sure there's a place for us
I'm counting the day till I feel your touch
You come to me when I dream at night
When I'm with you, it will be so right..........."

I don't know what will I do now. Tonight is just not right. The feeling is uncertain but yet it is special. I just wanna dedicate this song to you. What will I do next?

~Dead Fire~

It is time to let go. How much you loved him? This is definitely a question which makes me think twice. Thinking twice? Yea ... Cos I don't know the answer anymore. Time has come and an answer has to be submitted. I've ran away long enough since the incident. It just don't work if you can't take this for lifetime. If he is not your future soul mate, why bother to make him stay? It aches when you know there's fate without destiny. It hurt even more when you've already treated him as the other half before you found out that you both were never meant to be. But all this has become history. I am guilty if you'd like to say so. But there's no right or wrong in this. The thoughts of being tough in overcoming and changing myself into who I should just to be with you are fading away. The idea is just too far away from lifetime. Even if there's love in the two of you, it is not strong enough to lit up the fire once again.

"What went wrong?" You may ask. "So not meant to be", I would answer.

Time has come, she did it. Why am I still waiting? God, please give strength and courage to face it.

Who am I?

I felt like an butterfly waiting to hitch on something that gives the best comfort and security. But sadly, I am still flying. Doubting every shelter to be another potential butterfly hunter's trap. It takes too much energy to fly out from such trap. Not only energy, but also time and emotions. Not worth trying sometimes. But there is some moments that I would want to step inside and take a look at it with my own eyes. Isn't this risky? I don't know. The butterfly just need a safe shelter where she can hide when she felt emptiness in her life or tired of flying alone. But just yet, she is afraid to land already, at the moment I guess flying would be good for her. However, with the hope of a company who is willing to fly along. Who will it be? I'm waiting.........

~Reply to Doubts~

Doubts in life..It's common right? Well yeah just recently I've viewed my friend's blog bout this issue. I was just wondering is human born to be bothered by all this questions and doubts?

Q: Do we learn from our past experiences and knowing what are the right things to be learnt?
A: Yes, we've been learning throughout our life if you noticed it. Since young we learnt to crawl, walk and speak. As we grow older, we start to learn from teachers, family and even experiences we had encountered ourselves. Afterall why are we so bothered by the past? Life goes on, and yeah it still continues. There's nothin can stop it from going unless the time is freezed. Why don't let them pass with smiles each and every day instead of tears? It would be beautiful for us to recall and tell the stories of a beautiful life to our grandchildren in future. I'm sure even small kids will be proud of us. Life is all about optimistic if you want it to be happy and simple! You are worth to be directed through the journey of life with your heart smiling and not sorrows following close to you.

My #1 rule of life - Never regret what I've done.
I understand that most of us needs to face alot of decision making scenarios but who to blame? Life is like that! So stay cool and live with it and not avoiding it. Be brave to face the challenge ahead cos bear in mind that life goes on. So don't go walking backwards! (Coz I will spank you!*)
What is going to happen later will be faced as new challenge later. Let the past be the past and look ahead of you. There'll be no miracles unless you created them yourself. Nobody can help you unless you help yourself. However friends and family will always be at your side to guide you through. Whether you like it or not, they will be the light of your life when you lost your direction and at your weakest moment. Shoulder is what they can offer to you, so is the love to be showered on you when you are craving for them. If you let them, they will be the angel and stars shining your way.

So still questioning yourself? Don't already coz the shining stars are just right up! You're not alone....

~Deadly Virus~

Line coding? ASK? PSK? FSK? M-ary? What the.....? I just can't take it anymore. The warning siren is on loudly.Virus detected!!!

Scientific name: SIENzophobilootly
Cause of attacks: FEDup sporas are found in brain cell
Rate of spreading: EXtreme speed
Danger level: Deadly
Cure: ???

Any doc to rescue? Please do inform me....
Dying of chronic disease....

~18 SD~

Before I start my crappy speech here, I would like to warn those who are already down or had a bad day today. Please don't proceed to the story. It's 18 sd!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who am I today? What is all this mix of emotions? I'm just tired..NO it's not I'm exhausted with the life of this semester. It's killing me and it's already out of my limit. How long can I stretch my arm to reach for my future? The vision is getting blur. What am I going to become in future? Is it good to left as mystery? This is the reason we call life as TOUGH. Everything comes as surprises to you and you'll might need to encounter it with a big 'O' in your mouth or even tears rolling down like nobody business. So wanna know what I am feeling now? I....do...don...don't know! Haha.. well it's not a joke. It's a moody day but yet not as I can still smile cheerfully. It's a joyful day but yet not as the blue sky has turn to grey with all the haze. It's a stressful day but yet....well yeah most probably this is it! I just wanna live today with my sleepy eyes and heavily loaded mind. It's not a good idea but this is what happening to me..at least for today. Wish to have a better tomorrow!

p.s: 18sd (super down)--> above 18 years old as this story content consists of super sad elements which may spoil your beautiful day! I certainly don't wish anyone of you to have such bad experience huh? Good day!

~Teardrops~

Two tear drops were floating down the river. One
tear drop said to the other, "I'm the tear drop of a girl who loved a man and lost him. Who are you?"

"I'm the teardrop of the man who regrets letting a
girl goes....."

She teardrop consoled, "There would come a time
when we have to stop loving someone because
we found out that they'd be happier if we let them
go..."

He teardrop replied, "But then you'll know that
you miss someone very much when every time you
think of that person, your heart breaks into
pieces and just a quick 'Hello' from that person brings
the broken pieces back..."

She teardrop said, "It's really painful to say goodbye to someone else that you don't want to let go; but it's even more painful to ask someone to stay if you can never make the relationship work out the way it should be."

She continued, "LOVE? It's kind of complicated,
but I'll tell you this... the second you're willing to
make yourself miserable to make someone else
happy, that's love right there...."

He teardrop pondered and said, "You know, if I
had the letters "HRT", I can add "EA" to get
a "HEART" or a "U" and get "HURT". But I'd
rather choose "U" and get "HURT" than have
a "HEART" without "U"...

She teardrop smiled and replied, "Giving someone
all your love is not an assurance that she will
love you back. Don't expect love in return, wait for it to grow in her heart, if it doesn't, be contented it
grows in yours."

He teardrop continued, "She told me once, do not
be too good, I will miss you. Don't be too caring; I
might like you. Don't be too sweet; I might fall for
you."

She teardrop smiled and said, "A heart truly in
love never loses hope but always believes."

She teardrop continued, "If you love her please
let her know because it hurts to love when you have
to go. Take care of me; don't go away because if
you love me, you will stay... I love you and do you
know why? You got me when you first said 'Hi'"

He teardrop said, "You are brave she teardrop,
now I know it's always better to have found the
courage to love even if you lose it in the end rather than never found love because you were too afraid of
the challenge."

He teardrop continued further, "Did you know that
the expression "Nothing" is the subconscious
mind's way of saying I Love You... that's what i
do, I told her NOTHING and because of that i lost
her even though i love her... I cry for the time that she was almost mine, I cry for the memories I've left
behind, I cry for the pain, the lost, the old and the
new. I cry for the times i thought I had her!"

She teardrop consoled, "Relationships are like
glass, sometimes it is better to leave them broken
than try to hurt yourself putting it back together,
or worse, have nothing strong to bind it together.
you never lose in loving. you only lose in holding
back."

He teardrop cried, “Now I know, I have learned.
don't throw your back to love when it's already in front of you, don't drive it away from you because if you did, someday you'll think again why you let love
fly away when it was once next to YOU

~Late inspirations~

Wide awake...
But yet brain cells are still acitvely deep in thoughts,
Trying to find my position in this important space
Which corner do I belong to?
Day dreaming is good as you control the ending
But reality could be cruel with the existence of Mr Hi-Bye
Who will be the one to lift me up again when I fall?
Will it be you?
Whoever you are, I'm longing for an answer
An answer to a question: Are you a friend?
If you care, together we shall learn to appreciate each other
Sharing and caring
That's what we need as a part of our life
If you play the game well, I shall shower you with loves
I deserve a fair game
We all deserve fair and peaceful game
The game named Life
I don't care if it's only a fairy tale in my head
But it will exist if and only if we all have faith in it
Have faith then....

Now don't go "masking" the evil face of yours
As we know who you are
If you deserve it, you'll be loved eternally for being yourself
Live the life with your own identity
Getting fed up,frustrated,annoyed is a recycle system of our life
But they are well balanced with the joys we once had
It is OK to show your face but learn from the lesson "taught"

We shouldn't blame Him for being unfair
It's just a challenge that needs determination and will to ensure survival
What are you still waiting?
God know when we're going to die
But do we?
Life is as unpredictable as the giant ocean
So don't wait for whatever you are waiting
Cos time will leave you centuries behind before you realise it
Do it while you still have the time for it..

~A fairy tale of mine~

Ever wonder what is the most beautiful story to be told in your life? Try recall some beautiful memories deep inside your brain cells. Suddenly my eyes see stars and glitters all over the sky and there's a narrow path way with light at the end.....

What is wrong with this guy? He doesn't talk? I look at him negatively, maybe it's because I'm frustrated that I'm lonely. As days pass by, both of us getting closer and closer. Hey he is different now! So it was a judgement afterall. Ahh this remind me of a sweet song by Fan Wei Qi. This lovely fertilised friendship continues to grow along with another girl. And there we go a group of SH He was formed. We've been through alot for 2 years + and all of us grow with our own manner together. From kiddy outlooks to ladies and man. I admit there are ups and downs in between either it's a story of failure in love by one of us or it's another story of achievement. But all this prove a deeper meaning of this friendship. It is a great experience for being so close with them that you can talk about anything at all....Really..anything at all including disgusting stuffs. *puke* There are always chances for you to kinda 'trim' down your tummy by laughing your stomach out! Can you imagine? Laughing sooo hard until you can't vomit a single voice out! It was the best and worse experience I've ever had. But every meet up will leads to a goodbye at the end of the day. Around 1 year + left to enjoy with them before we part with tears after graduation. Then I'll be on my own again, adapting to new life and making new friends. Hm life is like that huh? So chill...


I slowly walked into the tunnel following the lights. I walk and walk and....suddenly "What are you doing you foolish girl! Now go to bed already!" Only I realised I was hungry until I sleepwalk towards the smell of food in the kitchen with lights on. AH! gotcha!

Eww..any idea what is the black thing? Dao sa? NO it's not ! They are "ALGE" growing in the penang famous Dao sa ben!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How lucky of you to have eaten it. Kawaiiii......
Next time watch what you're eating~

~Lake house~

It's definitely fantastic having to live in a lake house but along with such romantic and touching story? Wow it's indescribable in words! So this is love story. The point hidden here is how miraculous of love power to have bring someone back to life again! Nah jus kidding.

This is the story to be told in Lake House. It was about a young woman from the future(2006) exchanging letters with a man who is in year 2004. It's all started with a misunderstanding when the girl left a letter to a new owner of her lake house. Unlogically the letter box seems to have some power and the letter was sent to the first owner who is in year 2004! That's how the story continues till they fell in love deeply with each other. They even dated for dinner at a famous restaurant on Valentine's Day but too bad it didn't work. Coz he died in an accident on that day! How sad.... She didn't know about this and left the restaurant disappointed. Since then, the girl felt that she should move on and does not want to live in fantasy again. They stop mailing till 2008. But this is absolutely not a good year for him! He will died on 14 Feb in his year. Once she found this out from his brother, she rushed to mail him, praying and crying in front of the letter box hoping so much he would notice the message! She waited in her year. In his year, he went to find her but in the end he waited. Thank God! This has saved his life from crossing the road and get knocked by the bus. So he went back to the lake house to meet her after the 2 years of 'gap'. Their first date in front of the lake house where the letter box stood.....How romantic when they lay their lips on each others, kissing passionately and smiling at the same time. Both are so relieved seeing each other safe and sound. Thank God for their touching meet up!

Any comments? I personally like the flow of the story, well don't mention about the logical thinking since there shouldn't be any! Ha..that's how love story goes aren't they? But on the real, can love be so romantic? How long can one wait for their beloved?

~Tired~

I'm tired but still waiting
What am I waiting for?
A voice calls out to me "For courage to come to you"
It's just a desert I'm walking
Looking for an oasis to ease my thirst
Which direction? I had nowhere to go but to walk blindy
Everywhere looks the same now

I saw something shining up ahead
It's the crystal clear water
Oh thank god I found it!
I felt lively again with this hope
My intention is to run with all the energy left in me towards the oasis
I ain't gonna walk in the desert alone again
It's horrible!

zzZZz..........