~Iway issmay ymay abybay~

Peaceful morning, music in my head repeating itself again and again. The song that you dedicated to me. However, something is missing here. It is your presence I figured. I look up at the bright sky and I let my fantasy runs wild. I wish to fly..to where I really belong. Then, a smile cracked my emotionless face. The picture of you and me whispering to each other has come into my mind. Nothing comes out of my mouth, but a sweet smile. "Are you the one?" He asked. Speechless, for I've give in to my low self esteem to say yes to you. Yet very hopeful to be the 'one'.

Can't wait for the night fall already...where you're here again sharing your thoughts with me.

Eachway imetay ou'reyay erehay,
Iway oday Otnay owknay atwhay isway ethay eaningmay ofway oredombay.

Ouyay avedsay emay omfray ymay orridhay astpay.

Ouyay ademay emay ilesmay eautifullybay againway.

Ouyay avehay onay ideaway owhay uchmay Iway enjoyedway
itway enwhay ouyay areway andingstay ightray esidebay emay.

Ovelay ashay onay easonray, ITWAY ustjay itshay oursway ightray
inway ethay iddlemay ofway ourway earthay.

Ain'tway itway eetsway oneyhay?~

~Bleeeekkk~

"Is she coming back today?" She is just two chairs away and I saw her nodding to my question. "Finally..!!" My dear Linda is back to save my ass out of boredom! Of course I'm talking bout my training here. Linda is a sweet malay girl who is my team mate. I work closely with her than my supervisor, another sweet lady. And I am sweeet too, well I meant the CHOCOlate I am eating! "Oops sorry dear it's irresistible~" *Wink* I think I consumed alot of calories this few days, yet there's no sign of watching my diet, no initiative of splashing into the pool, left alone crunching my abs! I'm doomed with flabby muscles now. I've become a snack eater now, Oh boy SNACK! Any idea how fattening it can be? I need someone to control me now. Aww..the picture of big pieces of "Har ben" (homemade prawn crackers) is haunting me now. I gave in to the evil self and devoured the poor pieces. But the prawn dudes seems to be capable enough to have its revenge while it is INside me. My heart started to burn and cause an itchy artery. OK I gave up...Relax..I don't want to eat you anymore! I need to get a proper healthy menu for my daily meal. "WATCH the diet girl!" Wish me luck!

Okie, lunch is finishing soon. And I am alone in the office (Basically I considered my office only as a narrow corridor where I am sitting). I'm freezing again...same words every day. Somebody find me a better vocabulary here! Hey by the way I've been outside of my office since morning before I came back and finished off my own "self-love fried rice". It's good news, ain't it? Nah..not as great as it sounds though. I went to an analysis lab where you know people there...err analyse? Ha~ I actually spent the entire morning there. Work range? "Watch". Believe me...one word Watch. zZZzz... Well the week is ending, gotta start working on my report. God bless me, I don't have any idea what to splat out for the last two days report. Meeekkk...If only I could write as if I'm blogging. Ah....mmmm....forget it. Think think think~

~Ignorant~

She is scribbling in her thin but long diary that night when her daughter came home. Hands on her forehead, supporting her head, as if it weighs hundred pounds. The curious her realized that something must had happened during her absence. It was late that night. She pushed all the negative thoughts away after a tired day out. She turned on the software in her computer to play some soft musics to sooth her ears. Sadly, the tensed atmosphere outpower and a laid-back night was not welcomed. Then, he came out. "Go sleep..." He mumbled. So she headed to her small but cozy room, figuring what would happened next. Something is just not right....

An ending to this..please......

~Routine~

It's morning again! I don't even remember how I fell asleep yesterday. The last thing I remember was sms-ing with my sweet dear, err I wonder if I managed to send the last sms before I dozed off. Hehe! Well, yea as usual sitting in the office, waiting..waiting and yea I am still waiting, no sign of my team mates. Sob.. anyway this could be a good news to you coz I blog daily now! Earlier made myself a cup of hot milo as breakfast but I finished it in a gulp haha..I feel like getting another cup now! Damn..it's fattening, huh! *look around* Nope, not in yet! And another 15 mins is tea break, not long after break it's lunch. Sob..eat and eat! I'm getting fat~

Back to yesterday...
My eye lid felt so heavy. *Duup* There it goes covering my black eye balls. Once a while my brain took control to force it open again. Waiting...waiting...Staring at the green slowly consuming the white bar as the digits counting down to 0kB.
TRANFERRING... displayed on my computer screen.
Finally! Done! I'm wide awake for the time being! Quickly I clicked on the Play button and there.. you are! Thank God, my cute friend actually recorded the mini short concert of yours my dear. Gee..sweet~Miss ya!

OK dreams over...I'm slacking in my office now.
Ahh..
I really should figure something to do..
I really should...read on the material given.
I really...should browse some info to write report.
I....am falling zZZzz............

~Sweeeeeeeet 22~

Date: 25/09/06, Mon

Indeed...it was a wonderful night~
Rushing my way back home in the evening and dress up in a blue hawaii spagethi strap top,matched with dark brown mini skirts. Nice? You comment! Anyway I'm still learning a better fashion sense. This is my birthday. My friends had planned a perfect dine out at Rendevous Steakhouse. A place with music has always feel great to me. (pst..pst...Wings cafe!)

Time: 9pm
We have reached the destination. Took a long consideration and finally managed to pick one from the food menu. I wished I could just minimainimo...bOom! There we go, had our dinner there and meanwhile flashes everywhere. Capturing the sweet moments we spent together. The atmosphere and people around is great, along with live band singing all the love songs requested by audiences.

Then, one of singers start talking...alot...and I realized those words are all wishings for me! The next thing I know, you're up there on stage, answering the lady's questions. Another moment, you started singing already.
"Happy birthday tooo you...I love you baby"
"Owh..that is so sweeeeeeeeet of you." My heart is deeply touched, my face is blushing red..
Before I get myself back on track, I was called upon the stage. I was too blur for anything at that moment. Your hand reach out for me and I was up on stage too, right beside you. After some teasing and answering questions, we managed to make our way back to our seatings where I blow the candle on my cake. What a lovely night out! Thank you all for everything! And I love you too honey...

~Night to remember Part 3~

Date: 24/09/06, Sun

Waiting..waiting...7pm!!
Rushing my way back to home...took shower and the next thing I hear is his missed call. Right on time. The eve of my birthday. Off..my departure to a lovely homemade dinner.

Venue: His house
Chef of the night: Hum
Menu of the night:
1) Creamy chicky mushy soup with lotsssssaa CHeesey!
It's cheddar cheese I bet coz the soup is so cheeeeesy that it is orange in color. The warmth creamy taste with heavy mushroom flavor melts my heart. Not to forget the small cube sized button mushroom fits my narrow throat perfectly as I swallowed it.

2) Potato with meatballs (sorry I don't know the correct name for it)!
Come have a bite hehe...yum yum, now I actually recalled the original taste of potato..ahhh...spoon licking good!

3) CheesssssY sausages served with honey topping!
The moment you take a bite at it, the toothsome melted cheese flows out, taste perfectly with honey sweetness. They are just as sweet as ya...hehe

4) Main course - Spagethi
Scrumptious spagethi with reddish tomato sauces Ooo...irresistible! mmm...Heaven!

That was the night spent...with delicious food, a lovely chef and a cute half naked friend. So full and filling, just how much calories I've input a moment ago? Haha don't care anymore! I had tasted the most precious food and now I have you.Arigatou..
~I love you~

~Night to remember Part 2~

Date: 23/09/06, Sat

Good morning! I skipped work today, spending my time with you. Every moment with you is well cherished. I forget bout tiredness, neither do I know meaning of fatigued when you're around. Slacking around with you is good enough. The activity of the day is slacking in the morning, shopping in the afternoon, dinner with friends at night! Speaking of dinner, we went to Wings cafe which is located behind Times Sq and it was definitely a good place for music lovers. The two singers have great voices and they rock! Hippy youth, very-jay speaking manner, funny hairstyles (Hello? one of them actually bun his hair) are how they showed themselves. They are talented kids, where one of them is keyboardist and another one...he sings.

Despite the hippy-yo-yo singers, the foods are tasty and filling (it actually burst my stomach) and not to forget the drinks with weird names suits the environment just nicely. Although it is a small cafe but it worths every penny you spend. Going up the stairs, you will find that beside the stage there is a couch with lotsa cushion! That would give you an idea of my ideal couch. But too bad that is not an ideal spot to have dinner, I wonder why they put it there. We were lucky that we reached there rather early, and we were able to grab the nicest spot to have the best view at the stage.

"Err..they sing?" This was what I doubt the first time I see the young kids. (Well, they look young to me) The moment their voice come out...."Oh Heaven!" Haha might sound a bit of exaggerating but what the hell is blog for? Didn't I sound like I'm recommending a nice cafe to you? So............go now...go...!!

Oh ya... I did not mention my purpose there huh? I was there just because my dearest friends wanted to celebrate my brithday with me! How sweeeeet! I love ya guys! And thanks for the square pinky pig~I guess I have to name it as Square. Aha~~I love y'all..!!!

~Arrival~

Date: 22/09/06

It is Friday tonight..
A night with an ending..
A cruel ending or A good ending
You decide
It's an ending written by me..
An ending that can never be modified
Life goes on...
So are we...
Thank god for the blessing
Peace is what offered by the ocean
Friendship boat is offering its service
We are friends again...

Inside me, there lives a dear friend named Excitement...
You're back! You're back! Can't wait to see ya...shouting inside of me was the jumpy Excitement. She is right. You're back....here with me again...

~Night to remember-Part 1~

Date: 15/09/06,Fri
Time:10:30pm

A night to remember..I was so excited, you too and you and you..everybody was looking great on that night. Everyone was grooving to the music, moving their body sexily.. I was so into the music that the music controlled me. Dancing all the way as if I wasn't myself anymore. And yea of course it is cafe flam I'm talking bout here. Music shifted its mode from 'not-so-high' to 'very-into-head' music (I don't know why do I put it this way, but it just sound so right!). Here I come for my second return. "I'm back for revenge!" Well, it's nothing harmful coz it was quoted to the dance floor. You see I've missed the chance to step on it during my first visit, that was when I get so drunk that I had barely lifted my leg. But the floor belongs to my feet tonight. I was in a silky sleeveless white top, not-so-sexy but fitting and revealling my tummy *Woops*, purple mini skirts, just enough to cover my buttock, white heels (Oh yeah high heels I'm talking bout here!). A bit lady huh tonight? Surprise~a different me indeed.

Time:11pm

Once we gained entry to the club, the gentlements grabbed their glass and quickly finished the two bottle of err...whatsoever-liquor. However, they seem to crave for more! Too bad, pocket speaks all. My dear, we are just students with no income but a stingy government loan. Not long after the 'yam-sing' session, I found myself dancing crazily on the dance floor, few times on the podium on and off in front of the DJs. I was pushed by others ok! But the spotlight was fun, dancing above others while watching them enjoy themselves as much as I do! I just love the feeling. It was a wild night, I haven't been enjoying myself to this extent since...since..*shorterm memory loss hits me*...Ok let's leave this as it is. However it was my first time dancing on heels. Well, it wasn't as bad as I've always imagined though. I'm personally a dancing freak, love to watch people dancing around you and of course dancing with you my naughty boy. But I guess liquor is more to ya flavor huh, gentlement jody? But most importantly, it is the smiles on everyone face that I'm longing for. Seeing innocent and naive friends get drunk and do crazy stuff are just as fun or to be exact it's funny haha! No offend cute friends! The night last for few hours before we realized that our battery were running low.

Time: 3am

Headed back to Setapak but the flow is continued with a night at mamak! Biasa lah...Nearly 5am, we went home and ZzZ...lights out....
This is defnitely a night to remember. It was my first time clubbing with you...
*Wink wink*

~A bunch of craps~

I'm in freezer again. All I feel is the numbness in my legs. Too much of walking I guess. What to do next? I have no idea but wait...waiting for our dear engineers. Hoping the weekend would come fast. That's when I can sleep longer in the morning. That's when I can have a good stare in your eyes again. "Really??!" Unbelievable watery eyes are now filled with excitement, joys and hopes as if dream comes true. You're cold outside but full of warm lovings inside. I am deeply touched by your sweet lovings...

It's FrYday. "I'm not afraid." That's a lie but with a hope it would act as a reminder to my subconscious. Anyway how many of us really admit fear when question like "Are you afraid?" hits them? I'm glad I have my beloved ji mui to come along with me. Thank you so much!

*Freezing* Now I feel like I'm in dead room. The fresh air lose their battle to get an entry in this room. The victory belongs to the centralized controlled air cond's coolness. No wonder it felt so dead here. I was sitting right behind a partition of other executives level colleagues, but in the same narrow row with other trainees. On my right hand side, there stood a few lockers and I guess those are all that come in my sight when I'm in my sitting position. Dead right? Talking about trainees, yeah you<->me and me<->you, maybe some of you don't understand the equality I crapped here. There's nobody sitting side by side with me. Within few chairs away I saw my two adorable mates and Linda, the malay. On my right hand view, I saw a green jacket clinging on the chair but no human in sight. So the main point is NOBODY beside me. How dead~ Oh yea an additional of a Malay guy here. He had come drop by for few minutes. But still it looks dead here. So let's see, it is indeed DEAD enough to have 5 'dead's in the description, huh!

It's 2:38pm...I wonder if I could just make the clock ticks faster....

~Clear position~

It's a cold early morning. Stuck in the train for 45 minutes, freezing my heart out. His understanding voice is still fresh in my mind. Reminding me, inspiring me of what I should be doing. What would I do without you? When I am petrified, all I need to do is close my eyes and feel your presence. I know the dearest will always stay close to me. Physically detached is nothing, but mentally attached means everything. The morning is still cold, now I'm freezing under the air cond in my office. I need a sweater I decided. Another 5 minutes, I would be off to the lab, hands on the machinery thingy. I hope my focus on work would be 100% today even though I am bothered by the "Confused him". After all, he is no longer influential to me. All I have for him is just care for a friend, I've never been so sure of it. My confusion is over, I know my position now. Let's pray for the "Confused him" to be blessed by god. I'm a sinner saved by grace. I guess the saying is best applied on me now. Put down the ego and rise up to be respected. This is my advice to you, the confused.

"..sipp..." Tasting the aroma of the hot coffee I've made for myself. It's bitter but the warmth it offerred is great. I'm glad I found it in you, the dearest. We will make it through even with great obstacles. One month...one year...3 years...lifetime....No matter how long the journey, it worth the price to pay. Unsettling problems of mine that keep coming in the way might make it unfair to you. But your understanding heart makes me stronger day by day when dealing with them. Have more self esteem towards yourself. Deep in my heart I know you are not how others described you as. Faith ......plays the game and we hold strong onto faith to control game.

~The contrast day and night~

Morning:
"Ring........riiiiiing...." There goes the alarm awaking sleepy heads. Stumbling my way to the bath room, struggling to keep my eyes wide. The sound of water rolling down can be heard clearly outside of my room. Yes, you bet. It's her. A caring old lady, showering limitless cares and loves on her dear grand daugther. My heart is deeply touched and I finally managed to get my sleepy eyes open wide. Took a quick shower in the early but dark morning, grabbing the clothes from the wardrobe and put them on, blushing my face with some of the scented red powder of mine. Obviously it is nicer than showing my pale face to my boss! With a confident smile, I rush my way to work. It was 6am only. The road doesn't seems like the road I recognized anymore. It was empty. As I stroll further, dog barking as if it is complaining the funny scent in the air. Breathing in the fresh morning air, walking down the road with dim light alone... The only thing on my mind was ALERT! At any second, a masked man would have just jumped at you, with a sharp point knife at your waist, CLAIMing your money. This is life in Setapak.

Night:
Exhausted is the word for now. I'm finally able to lay myself down on my teddy bears bed. Drowning into dreams and fantasy of mine, engine is turning off. One down...two down...three down...before I realised it I'm already deep in sleep. "Hey!!" A voice calling me out of the dream and my eyes muscle force itself to move and there I saw my sister. I rushed out just like what she told me, making my way to the phone. I glanced at the cuckoo clock of mine, not believing that I have only slept not longer than 1 hour. Behind the phone, I heard him. Crying. Forcing his words out. But nothing more I could do now. I felt so helpless for him. I hung up the wired phone insisting on my stand. He tried on cell phone. A pointless conversations we had. Conversations that brings us nowhere but the longer it goes the master of confusion is slowly consuming himself. Irrational. Mindless. The evil is struggling its way out of his head, taking full control over his weak body. Please I do not wish anything to happen... ~I am worried~

~Come out now~

As the winds blow soft hairs, the sun is slowly appearing behind the mountains. A brand new day has come. The battle has finally ended. The appearance of sun reflects a calm sea out there. "This is where I belong", I thought. Being able to back on track despite all the stumblings in life was something I'm so proud of. It seems that my responds confirmed everything already. You made me clearer than usual. I pity on you. You're still confused, unconsciously you did something yourself never had expected. Living in a shell of your own doesn't make things right. The world is changing every second as the clock ticks. So do people. Evolution. Your shell reflect my weakness and that has made me changed. But you still remain in that shell, stubbornly blocking carings, loves and concerns from others. Now I'm outta my shell. The sun is shining on me and I appreciate its existence. Do a favor for yourself, my friend. Come out....

~Rainy mood~

Song playing : You and I both
Mood : Restless mind
Phrase repeating in the head : "I'm cruel..."

It's raining. Suits my mood though. Yesterday until today I don't have time to cool myself down due to the talks that had been done continuosly til today. It was a never ending one. Thanks you're here with me. You're a companion and and your warm hug has always been a great place to find my peace. Arigatou here I said. Had always enjoy the silence of the night together with you. Stress free... My mood doesn't allow me to write more now. So long..

Time : 11:46am

~Pathetic me?~

"Taaadaaa".....
Staring long at the sms he sent, not knowing what reaction to put on my face. Sometimes people can be so unpredictable. Those words were neither enouraging nor comforting but they are harmful to my pride! How could I do something like this. So I'm pathetic huh? Maybe I was but am I not speaking the truth? Every word I speak is from the deeep scar you had left on me and those words were all about ME! ME as in MY OWN feelings. It is up to outsiders to judge us. NOT the power of my words. IF the outsiders are just so blind and they put the fault on your head then I'm sorry. But I believe they have their own mind to see things through. Till now I still think it was nobody's fault. I thought you would have the same opinion but I was bloody wrong and naive! I'd been throwing myself here and there, think for other people but what do I get? It's ok because I don't pray for good return though but what is this shit thrown on me? What's with the blame! A single meet up with a friend caused a total of misunderstanding! I learnt how to accept cruel words but the 'blaming' elements inside really PISSED me off.

Pretending to be a victim was not my intention. All I want was to release all the sorrows inside my head. Is this a crime? It took me sooo damn long to clear them off and what do you know about it? The conclusion as in I STABBED your back while you endured more pain? So all I can do is swallow all the pains and hoping they will digest on their own, huh? I had too much already. Gimme a break would ya! I don't blame you for what happened to us, the boundary is just so clearly drawn when I finally awake. All the things you said and done were so contradicting, you want it this way but you did it the other way. And you're still doing it! Wake up man! You're not the only one working on it and letting it go. To be a gentlement, you gotta have a bigger heart and more considerate thinking than this. Work on it man or else another one will make you looks like the source of evil again! (IF that's the way you want to put it)

~Time will tell..~

Notes : Wake up wake up!!~~Your saliva is drooling on me!
Oh no..I guess I slept on my notes again. But it was a restless one. Staring at the notes make me feel sleepy and without realising I was sleeping. I did woke up a few times, trying to get my mind back on track while forcing a command mode into my little program "STUDY". Sadly, once again I slept..ZZzz. That's why I'm here crapping again. The day is sunny but I still feel cold here. Now seriously am I cold blooded? Yea, cold blooded, was once carried by me. Back then, ignorance was the only word could describe me. Quiet, moodless and ignorant me. Ha~those were history anyway. People grow as they live their lives. I changed myself into a better person today. Well somehow...I think much more better, do you guys notice? Haha..

Worries and care are all pouring on me. I love my friends and I truly appreciate them so much. But over worrying is something not so right, isn't it? I believe there will be one very moment when friends lose faith on each other and they would relate issues to issues rather than looking at the case itself and trusting each other. Things like this do happen and it shows us the true meaning of friendship. The care showered are great and touched my heart deeply. If losing faith in me is what's gonna happen, it would be tough for me but no matter what, I keep 101% faith in my beloved friends. Do you have any in me? What has been done, is done. Let the bygone be the bygone (My friend's quote). Life goes on and so do ours. The story is up ahead and the rest of the cloth is still white, waiting for me to paint the colors on. What colors would they be? Definitely sunny colors! Being fragile might be my weakness, but emotional unstable is not included in this aspect.Now, you judge me, rational or blind? ....

~"Lai si"~

*Ouch* WAKE UP WAKE UP!! A voice calling subconsciously...Oh NO it was my stomach! I woke up and rush to the toilet and *WHAssshBoomm*. Finally, the nasi lemak came out! Or should I say the sambal lemak( not much of rice though ) came out. What a relief! Talking bout relief.... I finally done with my industrial training problems, confirm everything and thank God you're with me KITO! *Muacks*

Didn't really sleep well yesterday night with sms coming in and out from my dreams. Subconsciously I have to wake up and read them. Towards morning, as in when the sun is fully appeared, voices everywhere in my head, knocking my head. Damn! Why do people speak so loud? I just can't rest..So as a result had a bad sleep and yes you can start imagine how I look like now. ~OLD~ My eyes...*ouch* is surrounded by my worst enemy dark circles. Occupying wider territory, Oh my dearest eyes *Ouch*..You shall regain your freshness and confidence once again after everything is settled! Don't be defeated!~

~Beyond the word LOST~

Amazingly it brings me here already. Despite floating in the sea, deep inside my heart there's one things I want. Tired of questioning. But the venture begins already. There's no turning back now. I've chosen to leap into the big ocean and meanwhile this is where I felt lost sometimes. I took the leap and my intention is to find you and to wait for you to find me. I should not mess this up with another LOST feeling. Waiting.....waiting patiently. What had kept me waiting? One valuable, priceless and unbelievable love...buried in me for you, it's not a dream I realised. The wave in the ocean is strong enough to push me here and there, nearly drowning me. But now I know I have to have faith in you and time will come when the monsoon will be over. And that's when the time we found each other and lock our fingers together tightly. Patiently..patient..patient, not time for me to lose my patience like the previous post. I'm sorry... Monsoon will be over I believe. The sun is struggling to defeat it I can see. I have faith in you to bring me back to shore safely. I'm sorry once again...

~...........~

Having myself drifted here and there add more to my confusion. For a moment I thought I grabbed a hold of you. So close...but another strong wave drive me away from the shore, away from you. You're far from me. I can't reach you. I'm afraid I'm still living in my fantasy. Any moment some magics *pop* and you're a swamp that would hungrily consume me... Who are you? *Slap* I hope I'm awake now...fairy tales never come for free...Anyway they are just thoughts in a tired night.

Oh man, I'm hungry now, please be patient my dear stomach. When the sun rises, we shall have the taste of food....Awww...

~To trust you~

I'm yours....
If only I trust you...
Do words reveal truth?
I trust you in some way...
Somehow something is not right
What is it?
Trust...
Something is pulling me back
Coz I know I'm going to a place I don't know
I want to cross over but where will this bring me?
NOwhere..not till I trust you
We've been here for each other all the time..
Is this merely a feeling of loneliness waiting to be fulfilled and not the way we had thought?
Again TRUST...
"I want you to trust me"...
I DO trust you in some way but not for our future...YET
Strange chemistry is happening...
Between you and me...~You know I know~
I lose myself for you..
The feeling is too overwhelming that I'm afraid of this..
Afraid not because I fear to love again..
You just don't have my trust yet...
No trust No security
Another pair of broken hearts...
I WANTed to trust you...
But WORDS won't bring us anywhere...
Show me something real if we belong to each other...
It's not a challenge against the ego
Right now patience is the one challenging us...Not me
You've been a mystery to me..
I am a mystery to you too...
It's really bad if you just wanna get an answer to solve this mystery..
But it'll mean sooo much to me if it's the other way round..
Differentiate the feeling..
By then I will TRUST you...

~Cold Sea~

Where the questions float, the answers are just beneath it where we least expected. The courage to dive into the deeply mysterious sea water would reveal the truth. Floating on the surface give no answer to my questions yet. Are they really questions or they are the experiences that haunt me till now? Lack of confidences and courages... Who is the powerful one? Power that can put my scattered hearts pieces by pieces back together. The dilema to dive into a place full of strangers or to stay on surface with unsolved questions. To dive or to stay? The time freeze since that 'day'. The venture begins unconsciously...

My intention is just to find my new self in the sea but here I've met you. I was just hoping to cling on a float to gain back my feeling of secureness which nobody has enough for me. The peace I've wanted all this while lies in............
The clock is ticking every second away but there's a clock in me that has stopped. Frozen just waiting for me to decide ....

~Stress Vs Smiles~

The day has come. Is this the end of my sufferings? Now the Stress who has been buried deep inside me is struggling to come out. I can't hold it back and the evil managed to escape from the 'trap' that I set earlier. Its power is stronger than my soul now, I'm left defenseless. My dear smiles where are you now? I need you to beat this evil inside me. I woke up seeking each and every corner of my heart but you're not here with me. Tell me are you imprison my dear smiles? I will find you no matter what. You're ME, I can't afford to lose you! Tap..tap..tap....... It's coming for another attack again. No, this time is SHE! The master of the slaves (It) is coming. How many shots could I handle at this weak moment? The war is about to begin in few hours later. I will face you one on one later. My dear smiles, you'll be free again till then.

Recalling the battle we've been through for the past 20 years. You brought me back to life 20 years ago. You don't belong to me back then. You just disappeared like that and my life was miserable for few years. Even the camera refuse to capture me into its frame. It was my failure for not being able to keep you at my side in the past. Only I realised the importance of you, Smiles. This time I will not lose you again. Along with my friends, I grew stronger and you appeared again and I've appreciated you more than myself since then. Life has never been so beautiful. You're always there when I need you. There were times you feel like trapping yourself in my heart. But not long, you will come out again. I believe in you, that you will be free in no time....

~The magical words~

The world is spining in my head, I can't feel my feet on my heels already. Throwing myself onto my friends' body, hugging them so tightly as if I'm afraid to lose them. They are my angels who have always been there to protect me. Sharing smiles, laughters, jokes and advices are just what the sweeties would do. When I'm down to hell, they would lift me up back to the world again. They are more than just friends, they are family to me. Again I felt like I'm floating in the air now. But fear is never there because I know they will pull me back on the floor again. Thank you all for being there. Just wanna let you all know how much I love y'all.

~I LOVE YOU~
........*Muakss*.......