~Ugly Reflection~

I've just noticed how much has this blog reflects my true self. From the first post to the the latest, all I see were affections, loves, sentimental and romance stories. I think I crossed abit over the line huh? Revealing too much of yourself here is not really a smart thing to do. But it is definitely the best way to express my feelings when I had nobody to turn to.

I'm a stubborn girl. Moderate. Like the balance. Adaptive. Loving. Sensitive. Fragile. The worst thing is I don't seem to have my stand when I should. Should I be more demanding? Should I start with take-it-easy rules? Come to realize it, I actually possess alot of negative attitudes. When would I care more on family? When would I stop regretting the fact that I'm lack of motherly love? When would I see things beyond the illusions? At the end of the day, there is only one questions that is when.

I'm not born to be an active person. In fact, I'm a little passive. I don't express myself much at the beginning of a friendship, relationship or any affairs. Perhaps it is partly due to the low self esteem I once had during childhood. I don't like to show my emotions much back then coz I think it makes me look weak and fragile. I don't carry sweet smiles when I was a child. That's how I hide my emotions. Nobody know whether I'm crying my heart out or smiling in joy. I keep it to myself and I released them to my angels in my dreams.

Now I'm a grown-up. I made friend with my smiles. I carry them everywhere I go. For a moment, I thought I has quit hiding emotions. But I was wrong. In some way, I am still hiding it. Fearing that I would show too much to people. So I hide and let all out virtually in this blog. The reflection of myself. However, I think it is time to learn the skills after all...